You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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