Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
