so that wasnt chicken after all
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
