he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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