my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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