Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
