Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
