If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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