You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can I color on your dick again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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