I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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