You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
