You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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