I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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