Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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