So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
