birth control should be required to get into college
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
