Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
