I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
