is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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