i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
