I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
