Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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