Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
