During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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