I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
