I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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