They should really pass out barf bags in church
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
