my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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