I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
