the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
