I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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