I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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