I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
