Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
