i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
