Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
