I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
