if only i could text you this smell
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't turn off my feet"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
