I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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