I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
