I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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