so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
