I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
