it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
