it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
