my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
