i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
