When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
