Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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