I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
