Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
