he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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